Magandang hapon. Want to take a stab at what language that is? It
means “good afternoon”. It is a good afternoon, in fact. A good
afternoon to write about something that has been sitting inside me a long time, waiting to make an appearence.
I believe in miracles. I don’t believe in chance, or dumb luck, or
utter coincidences. I believe in purpose. The craziest part of those
statements is that, because I do believe that everthing happens for a
reason, I have to admit to a higher power controlling the stream of my
life. Sometimes I have to raise the anchor, depart, and let Him steer me
towards a different shore.
A lot of people probobly think that I am a control freak. In high
school, my sophomore year, I had a party at my house after the first
football game of the season. My mom made popcorn and carmel apples and
hot cider, and we played poker and hung out on my back porch. But I
didn’t have any fun, because the whole time I was concerned with making
sure everyone else was having a good time. That and making sure my
friends weren’t making a mess or waking up the neighbors. I wanted to make sure things didn’t get out of control. (From this, I learned it is
far more fun to go to parties than to host them.)
I guess I live my life this way. Despite being a relatively flexible
person, I want control of my life. I want to know where I am going, to
learn from where I have been, and to make decisions that will affect the
rest of my life with a clear and level head. It scares me, everyday,
waking up not knowing totally what is going to happen to me next. It’s
been one of the hardest things I have ever done, and am still doing,
learning how to let God have the steering wheel.
He could press the gas, or drop the anchor, at any point in time.
I guess you could say that I am becoming a sail boat. I can no longer
be a canoe, trying to cross a vast ocean with my own paddles. But I do
not want to be a speed boat, either, crashing into waves so quickly that
I miss the beauty of the water lapping against the wood. I want God to
be my wind, and Him to fill my sails, and carry me to where he wants me
to be.
Three or four months ago, if you told me I was going to the
Philippines for a week and a half in June, I would have called you
crazy. I would have told you there was no way I would have time to do
that. Yet, here I am, starting to become a sailboat.
June 3rd until June 16th, I will be wrapped up in one of the most
impactful and amazing journeys of my short life so far. Hiking up into
the mountains to deliver medical supplies, Bibles, and the gospel to
small villages on the main island of the Philippines, north of Manilla,
there will be lush green hills, waterfalls, and smiling locals. I feel
so incredibly blessed to get to spend even just a small pinch of my time
with these people. Or more importantly, that I get a chance to be a
piece to the puzzle of these people’s lives.
I would use the word blessed, not lucky. I’m blessed with words, not
lucky to have them. I’m blessed to go on a mission, not lucky that I
just happened upon it.
I’m in a tapestry, see. My life is a thread that is meant to
intertwine with others, here in Colorado, and soon enough, the
Philippines. I don’t know if in that moment, when I set off on this
grand adventure/quest if the thread will be gold, or if it will be
black, or if it will be red. I don’t know if I will have a blast, or if I
will be shaken, or if I will come back a very different person.
I do think, though, that the thread will be green. Green, for growth.
No matter what happens, whether I am able to change someone’s life or
help heal someone who is sick or love on a needy child, or even if I
just get to sit and talk to someone, just to tell them they are
important and that God loves them, then this will be a success.
Then all of this striving, and searching, will be worth it.
I wish I could tell you more what the ocean is going to look like,
for me. I wish that I could say what is going to happen. But like I
said, I don’t know if the waters are going to be rough or if they are going to be smooth. I have to sail, anyways.
I think I am starting to feel free, knowing tomorrow is unknown. What could happen?
This I know:
1) I am listening to this fabulous song called “Keep Your Head Up” by Ben Howard.
2) God is in control. I am not.
3) You cannot hope to discover new lands unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.
4) In two months, I will be on a 14 hour flight to Manilla, Philippines, more excited than I have ever been before.
5) I love. I am loved. Do I even need anything else?
6) There are endings, and beginnings. They go hand in hand.
7) I am a sailboat and a green thread.
Things I do not know:
1) What is going to happen tomorrow.
2) What my favorite book is.
I think I am ok with that. It’s scary. But someone once said, “If
your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough.” I think they are
big enough to scare me.
The ocean is big. God is bigger.
And I’m just a little green sailboat, on my way to the islands.
(P.S. Mangadang hapon is Filipino. Good afternoon!)
*Meagan is one of our FCA student-athletes. She plays basketball for Fort Lewis College and is currently finishing up her freshman year in Durango. This post came from http://wordblessed.wordpress.com/2013/03/25/a-sailboat-to-the-islands/ where Meagan's blog can be found.
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